“My grandmother used to tell me: ‘I endured it, so you should endure it too.’”
For years, Svetlana (name changed) carried these words with her. She married at a young age and became a mother of three daughters.
“I have always been a patient, quiet, hardworking and non-confrontational person,” says Svetlana. Family has always meant a great deal to her. That is why, even when physical violence appeared in their relationship, Svetlana continued to hope for a long time that things would change and that she would be able to keep her family together. Over time, violence became part of her everyday life, and she came to believe that enduring it was the only way she could keep her family together.
During that period, Svetlana was facing many difficulties. Her husband did not allow her to work, and she tried to manage as best she could. She took care of the household, raised animals, made dairy products and sold them to cover the family’s needs.
Fear and the lack of support made her remain in this situation for a long time. She was afraid to leave and did not believe that she could receive help.
“I was very afraid of my husband. He told me that if I left, he would kill me,” says Svetlana.
“When I saw him coming home drunk, I felt as if I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I was trembling with fear,” she recalls.
The moment when she realized that she could no longer continue came after another severe episode of violence.
“At that moment, I thought that he might do what he had always threatened to do. I thought he would kill me,” she recalls.
Svetlana then called 112. Following the call, the authorities intervened. Both spouses were taken to the police station, where they were interviewed and discussions were held with them. An Emergency Restriction Order was issued against her husband, prohibiting him from approaching Svetlana and requiring him to leave the home for the next five days.
However, he returned home, violating the measure, and Svetlana called 112 again. The authorities intervened and explained that he did not have the right to remain in the home and that, if he continued to violate the measure, he could be detained for 15 days. After that, he left.
Later, Svetlana was contacted by representatives of the social services in her community, who offered her support.
With her consent, the social services representatives shared her contact details with AO Ophelia. The team of AO Ophelia contacted Svetlana, and this marked the beginning of changes in her life.
“After my first contact with AO Ophelia, I felt that I could trust them. And after my first conversation with the lawyer from AO Ophelia, I felt confident that everything would be all right,” says Svetlana.
Through AO Ophelia, Svetlana received free legal assistance. The lawyer from AO Ophelia represents her interests in the divorce proceedings. Previously, an Emergency Restriction Order had been issued, and since then, no further violations of the measure or other acts of violence by her husband have been recorded. For Svetlana, it was important to know that she was no longer alone and that she had people by her side who could help her protect her rights.
Another valuable source of support for her was meeting with the psychologist from AO Ophelia.
“I could not calm down. I would talk and cry. She simply gave me time and a safe space for my emotions,” Svetlana recalls.
At present, the divorce proceedings are still ongoing. Although Svetlana is abroad, the lawyer from AO Ophelia continues to represent her interests remotely in the proceedings.
During this period, Svetlana has also had the support of her daughters. After the latest episode of violence, they encouraged her to go abroad for a period of time and stay with one of them.
“Basically, I ran away,” says Svetlana, recalling the moment when she left the country.
Today, looking back on the path she has taken, Svetlana says that she always considered herself a strong woman, even during the period when fear kept her in that relationship.
Now, as her life looks different, Svetlana says: “I have many hobbies. I like dancing, drawing and reading.”
For the first time in many years, Svetlana feels that she can make her own decisions about her life.
At the end of her story, Svetlana has a message for women who are going through similar situations:
“No matter how difficult it may be, believe in yourself and take the first step. You only have one life. Trust the system, because things are not the way they used to be.”
Svetlana says that she regrets not asking for help earlier.
“I regret that I did not ask for help earlier. If I had done so five or ten years ago, I could have achieved many things. But it’s all right, I still have a lot ahead of me.”
Svetlana’s story shows that appropriate support can make a difference between fear and safety.
How we were able to support Svetlana
The free legal assistance provided by AO Ophelia, including legal consultations and representation in court, is offered within the project “Strengthening Women’s Leadership for Resilient and Peaceful Societies,” funded by the Government of Denmark and implemented by UN Women Moldova in partnership with three organizations specializing in the protection of women’s rights, including AO Ophelia.
We can help you
If you are experiencing violence, call the AO Ophelia Helpline at +373 79 12 00 12 or the Women and Girls’ Trust Line at 0 8008 8008 to receive consultations and referrals to free and confidential support services. In case of danger, call 112.
